Bluesfest and beach pipis

So... we went to Byron Bay for the Bluesfest, aka the East Coast Blues and Roots Festival.

Lotta mud. Lotta hippies. Lotta wannabes and shouldabeens and hipsters: also a fair sprinkling of ACTUALLY cool people, like the old dude wearing the shirt that said "OLD GUYS RULE", the Zen Buddha hippies in all-white shrouds watching the ska band, the freaks with pink rooster feathers in their hair and the middle-aged diehards wearing shirts from the original Festival in 1990.

They put down a billion tonnes of cedar chips to soak up the mud and create some sort of dry walking surface. As the chips were trampled and trod, you could smell the sweet cedar mingling with the fairy floss, ginger nectar, bourbon and hot chips. Good times.

Anyway, we also spent a lot of time beachside out at Pottsville, communing with nature. I lay on the beach and contemplated the insignificance of human life. It was healthy.

Karen went for a giant beach walk and came back with a shirtful of pipis. I was all like, "You don't know how to cook THOSE", and she was all like, "Yuh-HUH", and then I was all like, "Fine, let's SEE it, then, smart guy." And she was all, "I'm going to put them in the seafood marinara". And I said, "Huh."

Then she boiled them up in the saucepan and put them in the marinara. They looked great, tasted juicy and sweet. Unfortunately we didn't soak them in the fresh water for long enough, cos they didn't have enough time to hawk up all the sand that was within their flesh. Pretty gritty. Note to self. Soak pipis more.

But I learned that even in this modern interweb age, one can still find and eat something from nature without dying from germs or lack of third-party insurance.

Closed for maintenance

I will be away for a while, travelling through Paris, northern France and London. Unfortunately the ticket that I have to the opening night of the Michael Jackson comeback tour will now be a memorial ticket, but nevertheless. I will return in a few weeks with photos, stories and memories. Feel free to snoop around and rat through my stuff until I get back.

Lists, thanks and goodbye, 2008

It's been an interesting year for me: personally and professionally. I think it's also been a great year for the world. We've seen the first black US president elected, the Beijing Olympics were a great success, it was the International Year of Languages, petrol prices went up and then down, finally, Kevin apologised, World Youth Day was held in Sydney... and or course, lots of terrible things happened as well, but I'm not going to dwell on those. Best to be thankful for the year we were given, and hope for exciting, eventful, fulfilling times ahead in 2009. Happy New Year!

But now, down to the lists. I love lists.

My top meals of 2008

1. Artichokes


2. Easter cupcakes with mini eggs


3. Damien Pignolet's prawn entree


4. Walnut and lemon fettucine


5. Semolina lemon cake


6. Gunshop seafood stew


7. Ham and cornichons


8. Homemade bread


9. Bloody Marys and sandwiches at Pearl


10. The Mother's Day lunch


11. Dinner at Sono


12. Dinner at Mere Catherine


13. Breakfast at Locantro


14. Dinner at Busshari

My top ten films of 2008

1. Quantum of Solace


2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull


3. The Dark Knight


4. Wall-E


5. Iron Man


6. Cloverfield


7. Slumdog Millionaire


8. In Bruges


9. Young at Heart


10. Roman de Gare

My top ten albums of 2008

1. Thriller 25: Michael Jackson


2. Flight of the Conchords: Flight of the Conchords


3. That Lucky Old Sun: Brian Wilson


4. Funhouse: Pink


5. As I Am: Super Edition: Alicia Keys


6. Priests: The Priests


7. Rockferry: Duffy


8. Back to Black Deluxe Edition: Amy Winehouse


9. I Am...Sasha Fierce: Beyonce


10. 808s & Heartbreak: Kanye West

My ten most annoying things of 2008

1. Traffic


2. Bindi Irwin


3. The continued and widespread use of misplaced apostrophes


4. Humidity


5. Incorrect spelling


6. Creepy TV ads for foot fungus treatments


7. Morons who walk in front of you at the shops, blocking your way


8. Pantry moths


9. Clutter


10. Fruit that goes mouldy before I have a chance to eat it

Stevie Wonder's coming to Australia

Saturday, October 25th at the Brisbane Entertainment Centre. See you there, Stevie!

Luxury at 200 metres

We enjoyed a one-night stopover at the Marriot Surfers Paradise recently. It was rainy, cold, grey and blustery. We had a room on the 21st floor, with views to the icy ocean with big storm clouds rolling in.

Later we swam in the lagoon with the tropical fish and its waterfall.

The highlight may have been when we were down in the lounge bar having cocktails (French 75, and an original creation they call the Oasis... lychee, cranberry, Belvedere and lime) when I realised the weird tattooed old guy next to us was Tommy Lee. Yeah, him, the guy who used to be married to Pamela Anderson and now no one knows what his job is.

He looks so much older and weirder in real life, and especially next to normal, average people. Still cool though. I also saw him at the breakfast buffet the next morning, at a very civilized 9am.

American Idol 2008: the first round of rejects

So it looks like Garrett is among the first four to be punted off the show. Boo hoo.

Is it just me, or did this guy look like the blond baby-faced spawn of Joey from New Kids on the Block and Slash from Guns n' Roses?

Idol's travelling circus hits the road again

Once again it's time for Australian Idol 2007. And even though the early shows are the most hilarious, I have to say that this year I did feel slightly more uncomfortable than usual about the hard-hitting, straight-talking harshness that was dished out to the usual suspects.
Yes, they suck. No, they can't sing. But does that they should be ridiculed or made to feel terrible, in front of millions of people?
They probably all signed releases saying that Channel 10 now owns their souls and can do whatever it likes with the footage... but the moral dilemma still remains.

On another note, the opening sequence that began this year's freakfest was by far the lamest and most incredibly unoriginal thing I have ever seen, ever. The four judges walking towards the camera in slo-mo? Please... once Tony Barber and Alyse have done it on TV1's Cash Trivia Challenge (aargh), it has officially jumped the shark.
Can't wait till Kyle and Dicko decide that they hate each other, and till they realise that Channel 10 is playing them by casting two people as the exact copy of the other, with intent to drive a massive wedge between them with jealousy on the side. (See voting poll on sidebar). How long will it be before they beat each other up? Not long enough, I'm guessing.

Piano necklace

Had three goes at this before I got it right. It's white glitter Fimo and black Fimo, cut out with an Xacto knife to make a piano keyboard. This time I worked out how to get the chain through the corners of the keyboard: not front to back like the first two dodgy times. Sprayed it with a few coats of clear gloss acrylic when dry, to give it that super-gloss shininess. Am looking forward to playing a bit more with Fimo and seeing what I can do.

Amy Winehouse: my new crush

So after stumbling across her clip for Rehab on cable, checking out her myspace and hearing disapproving media reports of various drunkenness and drug-related bad behaviour (don't forget seeing her turn up at the Brit Awards looking like Barbarella meets Cher meets Morticia Adams meets a pony meets some stewardess-turned-hooker-turned-pirate), I thought: "This is a girl I'd like to know. I can really relate to her".
Not really, although it would be really nice to be so hard-core and just not give a fig what anyone else thinks of you. I like that. I also like that she said that Dido was "background music... the background to death". Because I was totally thinking that, and just thought no one else agreed with me.
Plus her music is wicked. What a creepy voice she's got: although nowhere near as creepy or annoying as Missy Higgins' , Dido's or whatshername, stud through her nose, lame country crossover, Casey Chambers'.
And I never ever buy current music: my collection is a weird conglomeration of Motown, Michael Jackson, world folk music, a lot of French stuff, a big pile of Brian Wilson, gospel, Nashville and a selection from Doris Day, Regurgitator, Josephine Baker, Cab Calloway and the like. (Looking at it, it does look pretty weird).
But I go against tradition for her. I've ordered it online.
Now to wait patiently by the mailbox.

Avril: no more sk8ter boi

Avril Lavigne and her current No.1 Girlfriend are totally annoying me. First of all, since when has she become girly? The long, cheerleader blonde straight hair? The non-threatening-and-totally-mainstream pink skull motif? The unoriginal schtick about being so awesomely different and yet just like everyone else? All I can think is that someone over at her camp decided that faux-skater-grunge was no longer going to make money and that we are now all going for out-there princess. Incidentally, note the lyrics:

Hey! Hey! You! You!I don’t like your girlfriend!
No way! No way!I think you need a new one
Hey! Hey! You! You!I could be your girlfriend

Hey! Hey! You! You! I know that you like me
No way! No way! No it’s not a secret
Hey! Hey! You! You! I want to be your girlfriend

You’re so fine
I want you mine
You’re so delicious
I think about ya all the time
You’re so addictive
Don’t you know what I could do to make you feel alright?

Don’t pretend I think you know I’m damn precious
And hell yeah I’m the motherfucking princess
I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right

She’s like so whatever
You could do so much better
I think we should get together now
And that’s what everyone’s talking about!

I can see the way, I see the way you look at me
And even when you look away I know you think of me
I know you talk about me all the time again and again
So come over here, tell me what I want to hear
Better yet make your girlfriend disappear
I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again

In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger
Cause I can, cause I can do it better
There’s no other
So when's it gonna sink in?
She’s so stupid, what the hell were you thinking?!

Some creepy statements in there, all right. Nice role model behaviour, Avril. Surely her skater audience haven't all grown up and gone pink...? I wonder what they think of this new shiny bitchy persona.

One Britney, with extra mushrooms please

This is bad.
I can't believe these photos exist. They sully my site, just by the presence of a link to a link to them...but I cannot resist. The badness must be preserved, nay, immortalised.
She must have known, surely, that the paparazzi were likely to get this kind of image, if she pranced around knickerless. She must also have known that they would surface on the interweb within seconds. Perhaps that's why she made sure she was freshly Brazilianed.

Michael Jackson's failed comeback

Say it ain't so, Michael!

This article from CNN News cruelly exposes his crappy 'comeback' performance at the World Music Awards in London. Apparently his voice cracked, he looked weird and uncomfortable (as opposed to the other 99% of the time, perhaps?), he piked on singing Thriller (probably for the best...we prefer to remember the awesomeness, rather than be confronted with the modern truth) and he did the usual and lame "I love you!" routine to the crowd. On the whole, a resounding failure of a show. Oh Michael, what happened? 750 million albums sold, squillions in Beatles royalties, and you blew it all on ten tons of plastic surgery, a monkey, three camouflaged children, payouts to Jordy Chandler and his creepy gold-digging mother and that awful tacky giant painting of you in the nude with the clouds and the gilt framing and the floating cherubs. Probably not the best move, now that one considers it.

Bollywood Thriller

I love Michael Jackson: I love Bollywood. Not surprising then that I think this video is fantastic.

Jorge Bec only looks out for one guy...Jorge Bec

And there he is, that strapping symbol of virility, strength, musical talent and general awesomeness...Jorge Bec.

Jorge Bec has a website. It's called www.jorgebec.com, because after all, a website about Jorge Bec has to have Jorge Bec in the title. Jorge Bec enjoys talking about Jorge Bec in the third person, and he especially likes saying how Idol just wasn't right for Jorge Bec. Devoted visitors may care to click on 'Why I Left Idol' and muse upon the many reasons Jorge Bec gives as to why Jorge Bec flounced down a hallway on prime-time Australian television with 2 million viewers, under the pretext that he couldn't get the words right to 'I Want You Back' by the Jackson Five and that this meant that Jorge Bec wasn't being true to Jorge Bec.

This guy is a living treasure.

Australian Idol: the army strengthens

With each passing week, the army of jilted, scorned, rebuked and publicly humiliated victims of Kyle Sandilands' vile and vehement forked tongue strengthens. They are growing more numerous by the hour. They meet in secret cleaners' cupboards, unused tearooms and behind the giant cutouts of Kate and Emily (aka Black Gretel) in the various audition halls around Australia. They mutter and curse, gnashing their teeth in their foamy rabid mouths, livid with rage. Disappointment and anger have become lodged deep in their broken hearts, like razored shards of poisoned glass.
Kyle.
Kyle has done this to them: he is the one who dashed their small dreams to the mud, and ground them in under the heel of his faux-Cuban-heeled Blundstone. Squinting through his piggy eyes, resplendent in his towering Fructis coiff, with black heart and poisoned soul he has crushed childhood ambitions and fuelled a backlash of scorned auditioners.

They swap mobile numbers and possible stage names. They are an underground force, a sweeping invisible tide of repressed anguish and tears. Soon they will rise up, rise from the takewaway joints, hair salons, retail outlets and dole offices where they spend their days, and unite to quash their common enemy.

If I were Kyle Sandypants, I'd sleep with one eye open for the rest of my days.

The Worst (?) 111 Songs Ever

From Ian Lars' MySpace, minus his super-judgy, misspelled, misogynist and crass commentary, for us to make up our own minds. (See link above for original comments).

Below are AOL's actual "worst 111" songs.

111. The B-52s "Rock Lobster"
110. David Hasselhoff "Looking For Freedom"
109. Baltimora "Tarzan Boy"
108. Lou Bega "Mambo No. 5"
107. Aaron Carter "America A O"
106. Hootie And The Blowfish "Let Her Cry"
105. Paula Abdul "Straight Up"
104. Will Smith "Will 2 K"
103. Jennifer Lopez featuring Styles and Jadakiss "Jenny From The Block"
102. Ozzy Osbourne with Miss Piggy "Born To Be Wild"
101. Rupert Holmes "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)"
100. Ini Kamoze "Here Comes The Hotstepper"
99. USA For Africa "We Are The World"
98. Don Johnson "Heartbeat"
97. Warrant "Cherry Pie"
96. Great White "Once Bitten Twice Shy"
95. Sisqo "Thong Song"
94. The Knack "My Sharona"
93. Fast Food Rockers "Fast Food Song"
92. Rednex "Cotton Eye Joe"
91. Milli Vanilli "Girl You Know It's True"
90. New Kids On The Block "Step By Step"
89. JC Chasez featuring Dirt McGirt "Some Girls (Dance With Women)"
88. 2 Unlimited "Get Ready For This"
87. Bobby McFerrin "Don't Worry Be Happy"
86. Suzanne Vega "Tom's Diner"
85. Puff Daddy & The Family featuring Faith Evans and 112 "I'll Be Missing You"
84. Lionel Richie "Dancing On The Ceiling"
83. Black Eyed Peas "My Humps"
82. Roger Miller and Hampton "The Hamster Dance Song"
81. Tony Orlando & Dawn "Tie A Yellow Ribbon Round The Ole Oak Tree"
80. Crazy Town "Butterfly"
79. Marcia Griffiths "Electric Boogie"
78. Matthew Wilder "Break My Stride"
77. Band Aid "Do They Know It's Christmas"
76. 69 Boyz "Tootsee Roll"
75. Nelson "Love And Affection"
74. Taco "Puttin' On The Ritz"
73. Chris DeBurgh "The Lady In Red"
72. O-Town "Liquid Dreams"
71. Hootie And The Blowfish "Hold My Hand"
70. Lindsay Lohan "Rumors"
69. OMC "How Bizarre"
68. Tag Team "Whoomp! There It Is"
67. Deep Blue Something "Breakfast At Tiffany's"
66. Terry Jacks "Seasons In The Sun"
65. RuPaul "Supermodel"
64. Was (Not Was) "Walk The Dinosaur"
63. Master P "Make 'Em Say Ugh"
62. Bette Midler "From A Distance"
61. Madonna "American Life"
60. Paul Lekakis "Boom Boom (Let's Go Back To My Room)"
59. Captain And Tennile "Love Will Keep Us Together"
58. Shaggy featuring Ricardo "It Wasn't Me"
57. The Waitresses "I Know What Boys Like"
56. LFO "Summer Girls"
55. Limp Bizkit "Rollin' (Air Raid Vehicle)"
54. Las Ketchup "The Ketchup Song (Asereje)"
53. The Proclaimers "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)"
52. The Bloodhound Gang "The Bad Touch"
51. Paul Anka featuring Odia Coates "(You're) Having My Baby"
50. Quad City DJs "C'mon And Ride It(TheTrain)"
49. The Divinyls "I Touch Myself"
48. Vengaboys "We Like To Party (The Vengabus)"
47. N Sync "Bye Bye Bye"
46. D4L "Laffy Taffy"
45. Backstreet Boys "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)"
44. Billy Joel "We Didn't Start The Fire"
43. Eiffel 65 "Blue (Da Ba Dee)"
42. Dan Hill "Sometimes When We Touch"
41. Olivia Newton John "Physical"
40. Meat Loaf "I'd Do Anything For Love (But I Won't Do That)"
39. Britney Spears "I Love Rock 'N' Roll"
38. Eddie Murphy "Party All The Time"
37. Chumbawumba "Tubthumping"
36. Kris Kross "Jump"
35. Snow "Informer"
34. Kylie Minogue "The Loco-Motion"
33. Mr. Mister "Broken Wings"
32. Crash Test Dummies "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm"
31. The Offspring "Pretty Fly (For A White Guy)"
30. Crazy Frog "Axel F"
29. Ricky Martin "Livin' La Vida Loca"
28. Will Smith featuring Dru Hill "Wild Wild West"
27. Starland Vocal Band "Afternoon Delight"
26. The Rembrandts "I'll Be There For You (Theme From Friends)
25. New Kids On The Block "Hangin' Tough"
24. Limp Bizkit "Nookie"
23. Starship "We Built This City"
22. Barenaked Ladies "One Week"
21. Lipps, Inc. "Funkytown"
20. Europe "The Final Countdown"
19. Four Non Blondes "What's Up"
18. Will Smith "Gettin' Jiggy Wit It"
17. Billy Ray Cyrus "Achy Breaky Heart"
16. Hanson "MMMBop"
15. Gwen Stefani "Hollaback Girl"
14. Gerardo "Rico Suave"
13. C.W. McCall "Convoy"
12. Creed "With Arms Wide Open"
11. Spice Girls "Wannabe"
10. Celine Dion "My Heart Will Go On"
9. Los Del Rio "Macarena"
8. Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder "Ebony And Ivory"
7. Right Said Fred "I'm Too Sexy"
6. Helen Reddy "I Am Woman"
5. MC Hammer "U Can't Touch This"
4. Aqua "Barbie Girl"
3. Ricky Martin "She Bangs"
2. Vanilla Ice "Ice Ice Baby"
1. Baha Men "Who Let The Dogs Out"

Best ten bucks I ever spent

Yesterday, in the ten-dollar discount DVD bin at Toombul Music, I found the most awesome thing. It was a music DVD: 12 tracks called "The Best of the '90s!" (with correct apostrophe use....unbelievable!)

Ah, all the old friends that I met again while watching it. MC Hammer (Stop...Hammertime!); Paula Abdul, pre-Idol and when she still looked relatively normal, dancing with that kinky cartoon cat; Blind Melon with Bee Girl; Joshua Kadison (shudder); Vanilla Ice ( is it just me, or is he a dead ringer for Matt Dillon crossed with Woody Harrelson?); Arrested Development; Go West (ew) and good ol' Cut 'N Move...Give it Up!

Actually now that I am looking at him, Hammer looks like he could be the first incarnation of Urkel. Same goofy four-eyes, same cheesy grin (a bit like Ferris Bueller), same faintly guilty expression.

In the video, he's dancing in his giant hammer pants and all his backup girls are dancing in skin tight bike pants and doing the running man dance and the nutbush the whole way through.

Awesome.

Goodbye, James Blunt

Essex FM has banned James Blunt from its playlist.
Apparently listeners were complaining that they needed a break, and he had stated publicly that people should "just turn off" if they didn't like his music.
Well, James, seems like they took that to heart. You sappy sugar-coated half-man.

Our oven is notoriously unreliable. After the third failed cake, I lost it, and I yelled out: "Pete!! Who's someone we hate??" The response was immediate: "James Blunt".

It was then christened the James Blunt Oven: a tribute to its complete inability to perform.