Showing posts with label annoyances. Show all posts
Showing posts with label annoyances. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

My best and worst fashion of the Golden Globes 2010

Hate. Sir Paul, I don't care for your scarf. And Friend, it's the Globes, not a swingers fondue party.

Hate. Put them away, everyone's seen your personal golden globes more times than we care to remember. And maybe try a different hairdo or shade of fake tan in the future.

Love. Simple, great dovegrey colour, structured draping.


Love. She is SIXTY-FIVE! Good on her. Super hot.



Hate. Gorillaface. Try not to get it so wrinkled.




Love. Everything but the hip shelf.





What the hell? Hate! Is she a washed-up 1970s casino dolly? And the SHOES! Ugly, ugly, ugly.






Love. Mini-hive, French attitude, panache, relaxed.







Love. Mr Schue, TAKE ME HOME.








Love. Emily looks soft and glowing and John looks sharp. Pull your pants up though.









For some reason, love. Unusual. Colour a bit beige though.










Love. Worthington, you arrogant bastard. You look foxy and confident and so does Natalie. When she is gone we will be married and I will be your red carpet arm candy.











Hate. Chick from The Office, sort your bodice out and DO YOUR HAIR PROPERLY.












Hate. Patricia. You are not a bag lady / a million years old.













Hate. Cory Monteith- GET ONE THAT FITS.




Love. Clooney and Friend- she somehow gets away with the twisted midriff bits.
















Love. Sparkly, structured, simple.

















Love. This is weird but she pulls it off.
















Friday, December 25, 2009

Turkey 2009



It took nearly forty minutes to open the massive boned turkey breast, shove in the stuffing, re-roll it and try to defeat the laws of physics by jamming it into the elastic net bag, using only two hands. I was amazed that it eventually went in.

Like trying to put an octopus into a string bag, or a condom on a pumpkin.

















Thursday, December 17, 2009

Streets Blue Ribbon commercial


Everyone seen this ad?

The one with the slo-mo strawberry toppling down an icecream mountain? And the two singers, the male one singing relatively normally ("I had a dream, about Streets Blue Ribbon icecream..."), but the OTHER ONE??!?!? The female singer who is in some sort of orgasmic rapture over the buttermilk??!?!


"More.... more... MORE, MORE BUTTERMILK!"


What the hell? Who let this onto primetime?


"More... more... MORE! MORE BUTTERMILK!"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Jelly Belly rotten flavours


So it looks like Jelly Belly aren't content with chocolate pudding, butterscotch and (my favourite) watermelon flavours. The latest lineup is called Beanboozled and it comes in a Russian roulette-style game box: will you get Buttered Popcorn, or Rotten Egg? Coconut, or Baby Wipes? Juicy Pear, or Booger?

I really want to buy this and try it out. What's even more creepy than the concept is that some poor work experience guy at Jelly Belly had to sit there and taste-test all those rotten flavours. Imagine that guy's day at work.

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

QPAC food

So I see that QPAC has reopened, along with its refurbished Lyrebird Cafe. Was it just me, or was the Lyrebird always fairly expensive? I remember it as being full of overpriced and quite boring food, and lots of pretentious people sitting around eating slices of stale quiche. The problem, back in the day, was that there weren't too many options for a quick bite before a show and so probably the Lyrebird capitalised on that. But now, oho, the tables have turned! There's a plethora of quality grubspots along Grey St (Piaf and Gingka, to name two) and a canny theatre-goer can enjoy a cheap and delicious meal very easily. So what will happen to the Lyrebird? Will its rebirth be phoenix-like, rising from the ashes of mediocrity into a brave new world of modern dining? Or will it languish? I say the Lyrebird needs to look to models like Watt at the Powerhouse, which is open for easy and fast, classy meals before shows, but is also marketing itself as the place to book for product launches, weddings, cocktail parties, corporate functions and the like. The Lyre has got itself an absolute primo location, maximum accessibility, foot traffic and public transport at its doorstep, and the audience (and diners) are there waiting. Now it needs to re-market, re-badge and re-invent, for the good of the city and for its own self-respect. Looking forward to seeing what transpires.

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Lists, thanks and goodbye, 2008


It's been an interesting year for me: personally and professionally. I think it's also been a great year for the world. We've seen the first black US president elected, the Beijing Olympics were a great success, it was the International Year of Languages, petrol prices went up and then down, finally, Kevin apologised, World Youth Day was held in Sydney... and or course, lots of terrible things happened as well, but I'm not going to dwell on those. Best to be thankful for the year we were given, and hope for exciting, eventful, fulfilling times ahead in 2009. Happy New Year!


But now, down to the lists. I love lists.


My top meals of 2008


  1. Artichokes

  2. Easter cupcakes with mini eggs

  3. Damien Pignolet's prawn entree

  4. Walnut and lemon fettucine

  5. Semolina lemon cake

  6. Gunshop seafood stew

  7. Ham and cornichons

  8. Homemade bread

  9. Bloody Marys and sandwiches at Pearl

  10. The Mother's Day lunch

  11. Dinner at Sono

  12. Dinner at Mere Catherine

  13. Breakfast at Locantro

  14. Dinner at Busshari

My top ten films of 2008


  1. Quantum of Solace

  2. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

  3. The Dark Knight

  4. Wall-E

  5. Iron Man

  6. Cloverfield

  7. Slumdog Millionaire

  8. In Bruges

  9. Young at Heart

  10. Roman de Gare

My top ten albums of 2008



  1. Thriller 25: Michael Jackson

  2. Flight of the Conchords: Flight of the Conchords

  3. That Lucky Old Sun: Brian Wilson

  4. Funhouse: Pink

  5. As I Am: Super Edition: Alicia Keys

  6. Priests: The Priests

  7. Rockferry: Duffy

  8. Back to Black Deluxe Edition: Amy Winehouse

  9. I Am...Sasha Fierce: Beyonce

  10. 808s & Heartbreak: Kanye West

My ten most annoying things of 2008


  1. Traffic

  2. Bindi Irwin

  3. The continued and widespread use of misplaced apostrophes

  4. Humidity

  5. Incorrect spelling

  6. Creepy TV ads for foot fungus treatments

  7. Morons who walk in front of you at the shops, blocking your way

  8. Pantry moths

  9. Clutter

  10. Fruit that goes mouldy before I have a chance to eat it

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Fry basket

You wouldn't believe how freakin' hard it is to buy a fry basket in this town. Seriously. The plan was to have a go at proper homemade chips, as insisted upon by David Herbert of The Weekend Australian (recipes below) and also by Stephen Downes, he of the seldom-updated blog and selection of excellent food books: my favourite being 100 Foods You Must Eat Before You Die. Morbid but true.
So, I read all recipes, considered what I didn't have in the fridge, and made a list.

  • Vegetable oil
  • potatoes
  • fish
  • chip basket

A 5-minute stop at the supermarket took care of the first three items. Number four presented a problem. No worries, I thought. I've got to go to Carindale tomorrow anyway, so I'll get a frying basket in there somewhere. The next day at Myer, the lady was puzzled by the fact that I wanted just a basket, not a whole electric frying machine. No, just the basket, I said. We don't have that, she said. Fine. Then I went to David Jones. Same deal. Then I went to Robin's Kitchen. They were shocked at the very concept of a basket without a fryer. By this time I was getting tired and cranky. I went down to Target, where they had a pretty good range of kitchen gear, but no basket. Then I went to Big W. No basket. Then I went to K Mart.... no basket.

Then I sat down on a big leather couch and dialled Executive Chef. Sure, the lady said. We have several types and sizes. What do you need? I was too stunned to speak. Partly at the fact that they had SEVERAL TYPES OF FRY BASKETS, and partly at my own idiocy for not just going there in the first place. I KNOW nobody knows anything in this town, I KNOW that you can't trust a chain store with ANYTHING, so why on earth I didn't just truck down to Merivale St in the first place and save myself two hours of insanity is anyone's guess.

Now I am the proud owner of one wire deep-frying basket, for the total sum of twelve dollars. Tonight is chip night!

David Herbert: Better batter

September 29, 2008
Batter protects delicate food, keeps it moist and gives it that delicious crisp coating. Flathead fillets are my favourite, but ask your fishmonger for his recommendations.Use a deep-fryer; deep, heavy saucepan; or large, heavy wok.
Fill the fryer no more than half-full with oil (one third if using a wok). Make sure there is enough oil to surround the food, and enough space in the pan to accommodate the rush of bubbles that occurs when food is added. Never leave the pan unattended. I use safflower oil or a generic vegetable oil as these can take high temperatures. To test, drop a cube of bread into heated oil – it should brown in 20 seconds when oil is at the right temperature of 180ºC. If the oil begins to smoke, immediately remove the pan from heat. It’s vital to have the oil at the correct temperature before you start to fry. Cook in small batches to ensure the oil doesn’t cool down too much when you add the food. Cooking in oil that’s not hot enough can inhibit browning and allow the food to absorb too much fat. If using a deep-fryer, dip the basket in the hot oil before using, as this prevents the food from sticking.
Calamari are delicious with tartare sauce. You can vary the flavour by adding celery salt or a pinch or two of chilli powder to the seasoned flour.

Beer-battered fish
250g self-raising flour, plus extra for dusting
Salt and freshly ground black pepper
300ml fridge-cold lager
Sunflower or vegetable oil, for deep-frying
4 x 200g white fish fillets
Preheat oven to 160°C and line a baking tray with baking paper. Sift flour and ¼ teaspoon of salt into a large bowl and whisk in lager to give a thick batter, adding extra beer if it seems too thick. It should be the consistency of double cream, and coat the back of a wooden spoon. Heat a deep-fryer or large, deep saucepan (or wok) filled with oil to a depth of 12cm until it’s at 180°C. Season fish fillets with salt and lightly dust with seasoned flour. Pick up each fillet with a pair of tongs and dip into batter, then let drain for a few seconds. Cooking only two at a time, carefully lower each fillet into the hot fat and fry for 8-10 minutes, or until golden and crispy, turning once. Remove from deepfryer or pan, drain on kitchen paper and transfer to prepared baking sheet. Place in oven to keep warm while you deep fry remaining fillets. Serve battered fish with chips and tartare sauce. Serves 4

Fried calamari
1kg cleaned squid (calamari)
200g plain flour
Sea salt and freshly ground black pepper
Vegetable oil, for deep-frying
Lemon or lime wedges, to serve
Cut along each side of squid bodies so they open out flat. Dry well with kitchen paper. Score skin with a sharp knife and cut into 6cm diamonds or 4cm wide strips. In a shallow dish, combine flour, 1 teaspoon of sea salt and pepper. Dip calamari pieces in flour mixture and toss to coat. Shake off any excess. Pour oil into a large, deep saucepan, frying pan or wok to a depth of 3-4cm and heat to 180°C (a cube of bread should brown in 20 seconds).
Add calamari to oil in batches and cook for about 5 minutes (depending on thickness of calamari) or until golden. Remove with tongs or a slotted spoon and drain on kitchen paper. Keep warm in a low oven while cooking the rest. Taste and season with extra salt and pepper if necessary. Serve with lemon or lime wedges and tartare sauce. Serves 4

Hot chips
6-8 large, floury potatoes, such as Desiree
Sunflower or vegetable oil, for deep-frying
Sea salt
Scrub potatoes (no need to peel) and cut into finger-length pieces or thin wedges. Rinse in cold water, drain and pat dry with kitchen paper (washing away the starch helps make crispier chips). Heat a deep-fryer or large, deep saucepan, filled with oil to a depth of 5-6cm, to 150°C (a cube of bread will brown in 30 seconds).
Add potatoes and fry gently over low heat for 8-10 minutes, or until they are tender but not coloured too much. Remove from pan with a slotted spoon and drain on kitchen paper. You can do this up to 2 hours before the final frying.
When ready to serve, heat oil to 180°C (a cube of bread will brown in 20 seconds), return chips to the oil and cook for 3-4 minutes, or until golden and crispy. Drain, then transfer to a metal bowl and toss with sea salt. Serve immediately. Serves 4

Tartare sauce
3 hard-boiled, free-range eggs
300ml mayonnaise
1 tablespoon chopped capers
1 tablespoon red onion, finely chopped
1 tablespoon chopped gherkins
1 tablespoon flat-leaf parsley, chopped
1 tablespoon lemon juice, freshly squeezed
Shell and finely chop eggs and place in a bowl. Add mayonnaise, chopped capers, chopped onion, chopped gherkins, chopped parsley and lemon juice to bowl and combine. Season to taste with salt and freshly ground black pepper. Chill until needed.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

More Ramsay, more swearing


Check out this article from the NY Times about Top Chef, Ramsay, and other potty-mouthed chefs.


Too Much Heat in the TV Kitchen?
It may be that cursing is now seen as part of a chef’s public persona, not just accepted but expected.
By PETE WELLS
Published: April 16, 2008
FOR many chefs, a simple “bon appétit” no longer says it all.

The chef Gordon Ramsay is known for his heated language.
Last week’s episode of “Top Chef” ended in a volley of profanity, as half the contestants cursed the other half.
The first line of an article about the chef David Chang in The New Yorker last month contained a profane quotation from Mr. Chang. So did the last line. So did many of the lines in between.
But even Mr. Chang at his most vivid comes across as an instructor at vacation Bible school compared with Gordon Ramsay. On his shows “Hell’s Kitchen” and “Kitchen Nightmares,” Mr. Ramsay leaps outside the bounds of broadcasting rules so often that the Web site Television Without Pity begins its summaries of each episode with something it calls (give or take a word here or there) Gordon Ramsay’s Bleep-O-Meter.


There is, admittedly, a dog-bites-man quality to the news that chefs curse.
“For as long as I’ve been around restaurant kitchens they have been testosterone-fueled places where guys almost revel in their profanity,” said Ruth Reichl, the editor in chief of Gourmet.
But these chefs and others are cursing in front of rolling cameras and reporters’ notebooks. It’s as if the dog called in the media before tearing off after the postman.
“You read Rolling Stone and you don’t see rock stars curse like this,” said the chef Tom Colicchio, the lead judge of “Top Chef.” “And it’s recent, too. It’s something you’ve seen just in the past year.”


Mr. Colicchio blames a loosening of standards in the whole of American culture.
According to Ms. Reichl, chefs have been talking to reporters this way for years, but until recently they could expect an editor to reach for the scissors before publication.
Others assert that cursing is now seen as part of a chef’s public persona, not just accepted but expected.


“I’m making a living at it,” said Anthony Bourdain, who parsed the fine points of the stoveside lexicon in his book “Kitchen Confidential.”
“I do a lot of speaking engagements and sometimes I feel like I’m being paid to curse in front of people who haven’t heard it in a while,” he said. “I’ve been pushing it and pushing it and have unloaded like a marine in front of a vast roomful of blue-haired ladies, and they seem to get it.”
In the beginning, a chef sweated away in a kitchen filled with fire, smoke and danger. A certain amount of salty language fit the general milieu. In this sweltering inferno, the chef forged a meal for the rest of us to eat. And it was good. So good that we asked the chef to appear before us to bask in our delighted applause.


But as a party trick, reproducing kitchen argot outside the kitchen does not enchant all audiences equally.
As she read the David Chang profile, Barbara Fairchild, the editor in chief of Bon Appétit, said that she “kind of sat there with my mouth open half the time. I think I was surprised by the relentlessness of it.”


L. Timothy Ryan, the president of the Culinary Institute of America, based in Hyde Park, N.Y., argues that the foul language is bad, in the end, for the profession. He said he reminded the school’s new graduates in his speech at commencement on Friday that just a few decades ago, chefs were not held in esteem. When he sees “shows where the chef is screaming and yelling and swearing and cursing,” he said, “to me, that takes us back.”


Dr. Ryan has not been watching this season of “Top Chef,” set in Chicago, which features a number of his school’s graduates indulging in all of the expected profanity. The bleeping began before the credits sequence in the first episode. After that it seemed to settle into a relaxed clip of a couple of dozen bleeps an hour, until last week. In the final minutes, several long-nursed grudges took flight at once. The resulting bleeps ran together like a test of the old Emergency Broadcast System.
Writing on his blog on the Bravo site the day the episode ran, Mr. Colicchio apologized for “the gutter language,” which he deemed “excessive.”


Mr. Colicchio said in an interview that commenters on his blog had criticized this season’s profanity from “day one" and that Bravo, which broadcasts “Top Chef,” had received complaints as well. He said he often heard from children and teenagers who said the show had inspired them to cook or to try new foods, and he was concerned that their parents might stop them from watching it because of the profanity.


He also suggested that one cause of the complaints might be “the way they’re bleeping.” Bravo’s censors leave much of the offending syllables intact. Words are not exactly bleeped out; they’re bleeped at. Instead of a fig leaf, the network holds up a sprig of parsley.
Andy Cohen, the senior vice president for programming and production of Bravo, said that the contestants in “Top Chef: Chicago” this season were notably more profane than those in earlier years.


“It’s struck us from the first cut we got of the first episode,” he said. “At the network all we can do is bleep like crazy and, you know, maintain our standards while maintaining the integrity of what’s going on in the kitchen. I mean look, it’s who these people are, and we try to show these people as they are.”
To find out how these people are, a reporter called one of them, Andrew D’Ambrosi, at the restaurant where he works as a junior sous-chef, Le Cirque.
The cook who answered the kitchen phone sang out, “Andrew, there’s a [expletive] guy from The Times calling.”


Taking the phone, Mr. D’Ambrosi said that while some of his friends and relatives were surprised by his vocabulary, “Top Chef” accurately reflected his on-the-job demeanor.
“When you’re in the heat of things, you need a little more emphasis in the words you say to a cook,” he explained. “If you say give me that lasagna, it’s not the same as” — and here he demonstrated a way of phrasing the request more emphatically.
Another contestant, Spike Mendelsohn, said that his language on the show had been a bit of a shock to his in-laws, a Southern family he described as “prim and proper,” and to himself as well.
“I was actually surprised myself when I watched it,” he said. “I didn’t want to be so foulmouthed.”
Does he wish he’d chosen other words? “Not at all, that’s who I am,” he said.
The current crop of would-be Top Chefs may reflect their generation, who grew up in an era of unfiltered media. Or they may simply reflect their age.
“I have sworn, yes, in the early days, going back 20 years,” said Marco Pierre White, the English chef once renowned for his scorched-earth rages. But then he tidied up his vocabulary. “It was just growing up.”


Last year, Mr. White took over the British version of “Hell’s Kitchen,” which had been a vehicle for Gordon Ramsay’s coloratura displays of anger. Mr. White immediately cleaned house.
“I encouraged everyone to work hard, and in the three weeks I did it I never swore once,” he said. “I never belittled anybody once. I got people to want to do their job.” (A publicist for Mr. Ramsay said that he was not available for comment because he was filming a television show in London.)


People who have worked with the chef Thomas Keller say that he rarely, if ever, curses in the kitchen, although in his youth he was known for his temper.
“When you talk to older guys, they’ll all say they were big yellers but they’ve toned it down now,” said David Chang. He said that he would like to do the same, in part because he was worried that his tantrums were damaging his heart.
“It’s not like I want to do it, I just want to get my point across and unfortunately I’m not that eloquent or articulate,” he said. “If I could find a better way — and I’m trying — to communicate, I will change in a heartbeat.”
Not so fast, Anthony Bourdain might say. Mr. Bourdain thinks that public profanity could be the ultimate sign that chefs have arrived.


“It indicates a real move from servant to professional status,” he said. “Better than professional. Who gets away with talking like that to their customers?”

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Sausages

So, what's the deal with sausages?
There's a bit of a love-hate thing going on there with me.
Some of them make me feel really sick. Those are the ones packed with MSG and cereal filler, the cheap ones, usually from the supermarket.
Sausages are easy meat.
Sausages are a cheap meal: ubiquitous and simply-cooked. Sausages are not usually trustworthy, meatwise, either. Sausages are how butchers use up all the stuff no one wants to buy or look at in its natural form. Who knows what lurks within the depths of some of them...
Sausages are what you see sizzling at the dodgiest fete stall and on the grottiest backyard barbecue. Sausages can be pale, greasy, spitty, partly-charred tubes of meat-flavoured by-products, eaten by the lowest common denominator, cared for not particularly by anyone.

On the other hand, I have had some really special and wonderful sausage experiences. The thin, hot and flavour-packed merguez sausages from North Africa, sliced and layered over a huge square sheet of pale cheesy pizza, bought from a seedy street food vendor in the back streets of Marseille, saved me many a dime in cheap lunches and delivered a straight shot of authentic Southern France to my veins.
The Marseille locals also came up with merguez-frites: a sandwich stuffed with the spicy lamb sausage and a handful of hot chips, sometimes plus sauce. Just check out the merguez on the menu of this Manhattan restaurant (merguez burger and so on) named after the port town.
Sausages do feature in many of the world's most popular street foods, so they must be high on many people's list.
And then there's the English Cumberland sausage, said by some to be up there with the world's best.
Personally, I find it hard to go past a dried, preserved, salty sausage, but the fresh ones are a bit of a hit and miss with me. Ones that I do like:
  • The Coles Premium brand of gourmet sausages. They aren't all that dissimilar from each other, but they are reassuringly chunky and flavoursome.

  • A good fresh chorizo.

  • A tender chicken sausage.

  • The range stocked by the Annerley Butcher on Ipswich Rd. They have won some sort of state sausage championship for several years in a row, and you can see why.

  • Ones that don't mess around with the flavourings too much.

Heinz Butcher Shop on Stanley St at Woolloongabba makes fresh merguez, chorizo, Cumberland, pork and lots more sausages fresh onsite. Left to right: merguez, Italian fennel, Danish, Cumberland.


So who likes sausages? Who hates them? Who has some tips for good sausage shopping?

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Operation Deathtrap: The Silence of the Moths

Progress Report

I have done the following things:

  1. Removed EVERYTHING from pantry
  2. Thrown out everything which is either moth-ridden or suspected to be so (4 shopping bags-worth... what a waste!)
  3. Repacked everything into glass or tupperware containers
  4. Scrubbed pantry shelves with hot soapy water
  5. Wiped down pantry with diluted vinegar
  6. Wiped down pantry again with teatree oil
  7. Made little cloth bags containing cloves and peppercorns, dipped in teatree oil
  8. Left said cloth bags in pantry corners
  9. Sprayed bug spray on any moth remaining
  10. Maintained a constant vigil.

So far, so good. No moths yet. I am fairly confident though that I have missed some of them, and they are still hiding in there somewhere, laughing at me. Go ahead and laugh, moths. Only people with OPPOSABLE THUMBS can use bug spray.

Friday, March 21, 2008

Cursed pantry moths


I have moths in the pantry. They are having a great time infesting my flour and almond meal. I've scoured the internet for what to do, and am now off to execute stage 1 of Operation Deathtrap: The Silence of the Moths.


Progress report at 2100 hours.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Foods that you're embarrassed to say you like

It's true. Those foods that you enjoy, but secretly disapprove of. Foods that you would gasp at if anyone suggested them. Foods that are so uncool and so unfashionable or unhealthy that you would never willingly admit to liking them. Embarrassing food.
On the eve of Good Friday, a day of food denial, why not indulge ourselves with stories of those foods you hate to love...

  • Cheerios. Those little red cocktail sausages. Hot, with tomato sauce. But I can't think about them while eating them, or of what's in them, or how I am destroying the universe with every bite.
  • Instant noodles. I like all the non-Maggi brands. So processed and salty. Terrible.
  • Hot chips with salt and vinegar (come on, who DOESN'T love these?) On the once-a-year or so that I have hot chips, even the guilt can't stop the deliciousness.
  • Fried chicken. You know what I'm talking about.

Monday, January 14, 2008

Food Safari on SBS

Having a great time with this show. And I am totally going to win that trip to Vietnam.
It hasn't quite yet pushed Iron Chef out of my top SBS viewing position, but it's close. The only thing that bugs me is Maeve O'Meara: she's very nice and I'm sure she's a lovely person and I'm sure it's not deliberate, but seems like whenever she tries a dish, there's a pause, and then her eyes go wide and there's a wild nodding of the head, and she says "Mmm!! That IS good!" as if she was expecting the dish to be really gross, and then the person cooking the dish says thanks Maeve, and she says "No really!! That is lovely!!"
Patronising.
And she also has an annoying habit of stating the obvious. Like if the cook adds lemon juice, she'll say "And that's to add a bit more acidity??" Like she has to tell us that adding salt makes it saltier. Whatever.
But I think what I really like about the show is that it seems really authentic: that the recipes are real in-use recipes that real people who know what they are talking about cook at home. Seems like getting a Pakistani recipe off the website, one that came from a Pakistani home cook, would be more legitimate than a bastardised recipe published in the latest Women's Weekly cookbook, or some recipe database or something. I like that. Could be that the show just makes it seem like recipes aren't from a test kitchen, but I still believe that the dishes are proper living pathways to new, unsanitised, culinary worlds. And that's how we want it, right?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Female opinion columnists cop it from readers

The original story, as reported in today's Media section of The Australian, tells of the vitriolic hate mail that female columnists often recieve from readers.
A special characteristic of this mail is the fact that readers often rip into the columnists' appearance or percieved sexuality, rather than restricting their bile to the topic at hand (gay marriage, women's rights, politics). Apparently, men seem to be less likely to cop insults about their looks than women (there's that in-built misogyny again).
It reminds me of when Germaine Greer (bless her heart) said that the stingray was probably just getting its revenge on Steve Irwin. News sites' comment pages were packed full of nasty little people swearing themselves blue at her: criticising her right to speak, the fact that she lives in the UK (relevance?), her looks, the fact that she is over fifty, and my personal favourite, questioning what she'd ever done for anyone. "Steve Irwin has done more for the world that you ever will, you old hag". (Quote is unreferenced, but totally accurate...)

It appears then that women writers have to justify not only what they write about, but the very fact that they have a public voice. Personal attacks befall those who write on a controversial topic, and things will be a lot worse if they don't look cute in their byline photographs. Seems that the old misogynist and sexist beliefs are still with us, ingrained in our society.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Shudder: media personalities

After much hemming and hawing about whether or not it would be morally wrong and unethical to post this, I have decided to throw caution, and possible defamation lawsuits, to the wind.
The devil take it! Here is my blacklist:

Very Annoying or Totally-Hated Media Personalities

  1. Kim Sweetman. Seems like every damn week she is rabbiting on about some aspect of her life that doesn't suit, like how some schools have bad teachers, or how someone cut her off at the lights or something. Having a weekly column in QWeekend is a PRIVILEDGE: one should use it to entertain and enlighten, not to gripe. Very very annoying.
  2. Ruth Ostrow. Similar. All that hippie-weeping, sexually superior tofu-yoga becomes tiresome. And preachy. Her responses to the Modern Dilemma in The Weekend Australian Magazine have become the very definition of baby-boomer condescending predictability. Eat more greens. Have more sex. Everything is your own fault and karma will re-visit you tenfold. Yawn.
  3. Kathleen "I run 40km through the city every morning and I am totally awesome because I am all down with the kids and I am sporty and I see parts of early-morning Brisbane that you don't and I am into wildlife and I love Tom Waits SO MUCH MORE THAN YOU and I am totally spiritual and I weep for humanity" Noonan. Enough said.
  4. Mike O'Connor. Apparently, most of his hilarious domestic mishaps are made-up. I am waiting for some variation on the theme to emerge.
  5. Susan Maushart. Spare me the broken record: we all know you have ex-husbands (actually only one, if I recall correctly) and a bunch of teenagers and some issues with your fertility. We all read What Women Want Next, and now we are waiting for you to say something interesting again, not just spout about how motherhood has so un-fulfilled you. Possibly the least funny and most repetitive of all the female columnists.
  6. Frances Whiting. Borderline annoying. Was good when she started, but how now fallen into the comfortable well-worn persona of 'well-meaning mum who gets into awkward situations relating to her child and husband'. Been done, Frances. Oh, for someone to write scintillating prose each week that one might actually look forward to reading.
  7. Sarah Murdoch. Like a wax dummy come to life. There's a reason that most models aren't TV presenters, dear. Even giggly old whatshername who went on maternity leave was less dementedly vacant than this.
  8. Gretel Killeen. Thank the Lord that we haven't yet been subjected to this year's parade of mutton dressed as lamb, but only few more weeks of reprieve remain before BB07 begins. Giant hair extensions? Bizarre clothing combinations? 10-inch heels? Lest we remind you Gretel, that you are pushing fifty and that some of us still recall (unfortunately) one of your early publications: Every Girl's Geek Guide, back in 1992. Lame. And there is speculation that you were once a man.

Friday, March 16, 2007

Kitchen things that really annoy me

  • Can openers. I know this is because I am left-handed, and therefore to open a can, I need to use the stupid opener backwards. Which is not easy. All you righties, you go ahead and try it. And even though I have had 20-odd years of practice, I still hate having to turn the opener around and use it in a totally unnatural way. It really sucks, and it takes much longer than for a right-hander, and yes, I have tried left-handed can openers and they never work: very unreliable.
  • Packet cake mixes. My mother taught me never to use a packet cake mix, and never to wear white shoes after dark. It's my kitchen snobbery that keeps me from using packet cakes... not sure why I obey about the shoes though.
  • Recipes off the back of packets. They're always faintly suspicious. Why do they need to give away a recipe with a packet of sugar? Surely, if you are buying sugar, you already have a purpose in mind?
  • Stock cubes. Nothing to do with kitchen snobbery, although wouldn't it be nice to have a freezer full of homemade organic stock? It's more that they are annoyingly compact and you can't easily use half. I much prefer the powder. The best chicken stock I've found is Knorr Chicken Powder. It tastes really good, unlike the Maggi version, and comes with its own cute little scoop.
  • Cleaning the fridge. Aaarrrgh.
  • The fridge /pantry honey dilemma. Keep it in the fridge: it goes hard and annoyingly un-drizzlable. Keep it in the pantry: ants get it. Someone told me to wrap it in a plastic bag in the pantry, to annoy the ants. Might try that.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Contraband food

There is a fair bit of contraband food in my kitchen. It gets brought in against my wishes, but I have to tolerate it in the interests of democracy and freedom of food. If I had my way, these insults to the palate would be banned and sent to a kingdom far far away where everyone watches Judge Judy and sits out the front of their houses on couches, wearing their underwear, all day long.


Exhibit A: Maggi curry-flavour noodles. Only curry flavour, mind you. Heaven forbid that we should ever witness any variety among contraband.


Exhibit B: Cadbury chocolate and vanilla swirl icecream. See previous post.


Exhibit C: Masterfoods all-purpose seasoning. I have witnessed this being sprinkled on everything, from vegetables to steak to pasta and even on stirfry. Yes.


Exhibit D: Tomato sauce. Wouldn't be so bad, occasionally, with certain meals, but my little heart breaks when it gets squirted onto everything, and especially my slow-cooked-from-scratch bolognese sauce.


Exhibit E: Kraft cheese singles. Plastic white cheese that doesn't melt under the grill. What the hell kind of cheese is that?

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Foods I really hate

Yes, I really dislike some foods. I just can't bring myself to eat any of these, except for maybe in social occasions when it would be rude not to. All other times: blecch.

  • Ice cream. Although I love gelato and especially frozen yoghurt.
  • Strawberry ice cream. The grossest of them all... that synthetic pink plastic taste...ew.
  • Bananas. It's the texture. They are OK cooked or mashed, but only sometimes.
  • Sweet yoghurt. Same again, it's the texture. Maybe there's a pattern here. I only like natural yoghurt.
  • Chocolate bars. (Mars and so on). They are like eating pure sugar: so sickly and revolting. Never been able to finish a whole one. The only ones I can handle, when I must, are Aero bars. The mint seems to cut through the sugar somehow.
  • Bean sprouts. Especially cooked ones.
  • Cereal. Hate it in the mornings. Sometimes it's great as a 3pm snack though.
  • Sausages. It would have to be a pretty awesome sausage for it to tempt me: organic, no MSG, no flavourings, real meat inside...
  • Monkfish. The flavour of death.
  • Packaged white bread. Tasteless, plastic stomach-filler. Ew. I only like strong rye at the moment, well-toasted, no butter, with some ham on top. Otherwise, sourdough or brown is usually OK.
  • Endives. Some bad memories.
  • Red apples. The only possibility is a good crisp Pink Lady, for about 2 weeks at the start of winter. All the rest are soft, floury insults to nature.